“Air pollution? What air pollution?”

Chinese government spokesman Jack Roger has today praised his country’s green credentials, saying that, contrary to to the image presented by photoshopping western media photographers, the air in Beijing is crystal clear. “You can see as far as the next block,” said Belgian-born Roger. “It’s not our fault if your bourgeois western athletes are a bunch of pathetic, wheezing asthmatics. I cannot see what all the fuss is about. [cough]”

Roger also declared that not one Beijing resident protesting against the demolition of their home without compensation to make way for an Olympic facility has been executed with a single bullet in the back of the head. “This proves beyond doubt the Chinese commitment to human rights,” he added.