Pope says Church under threat from superstition

Dr Josef Ratzinger, Chief Priest of the Universal Cult of the Invisible Friend (Western Rite), and former head of its ideological enforcement agency, has during a visit to Cameroon declared that the organisation faces a threat from the “growing influence of superstitious forms of religion”.

“Papa Benedictus”, dressed in flowing white robes, then crossed himself thrice, led the assembled throng of African devotees in reciting 100 Hail Marys, and in Latin intoned a centuries-old magic spell from his personal grimoire before departing on a kerosene-powered flying carpet.