Government to crack down on evidence-based policymaking

Evidence-based policymaking is a bad thing. For one thing it restricts the freedom of government to react politically to media and public hysteria legitimate moral and health concerns arising from the widespread use of non-approved recreational drugs.

That is the only way a rational person, whether sober or stoned, can interpret the decision last year of the UK government to reject the advice of its own appointed experts, and reclassify cannabis as a class B controlled substance under the terms of the Misuse of Drugs Act. The weed, which has long been Britain’s second favourite mind-altering drug, had only a few years previously been downgraded to class C.

For this act of folly the government is now facing the Revenge of the Nutter. Scientists tend by nature to be stubborn, and this issue will not be allowed to rest, however much the politicians insist they are only acting in a precautionary way, in order to protect the Great British public.

“The government is clear: we are determined to crack down on all illegal substances and minimise their harm to health and society as a whole.”

When used in sequence, the words “crack” and “down” are universally acknowledged to signify that an argument has been lost, but the loser really doesn’t give a shit. And doesn’t have to.

A similar linguistic combination would be “up” and “yours”.