Putin to stop asteroid with bare hands

Russia’s space agency reports that former federal president and current prime minister Vladimir Putin is to use his immense physical strength and courage to stop an asteroid that threatens to wipe out billions of humans and other critters. Men in white coats with Soviet era slide rules estimate that the 300 metre asteroid Apophis could hit the Earth on 13 April 2036.

“People’s lives are at stake,” says Roscosmos head Anatoly Perminov.

“I don’t remember exactly, but it seems to me it could hit the Earth by 2032.”

“We could pay several hundred million dollars and build a system that would allow us to prevent a collision, rather than sit and wait for it to happen and kill hundreds of thousands of people.”

Alternatively, the great Russian hero Putin could do it for free.

Happy New Year!