Poppy is delirious

The big international news stories in Britain today are Israel’s perfectly reasonable threat to attack military facilities belonging to an imminently nuclearised Iran, and Vladimir Putin’s stunning victory in the Russian presidential election. Oh, and the bloodbath that is Syria.

French police brutality on a Eurostar train

Lest such grave matters prove too much for the delicate sensibilities of petite-bourgeois Englanders, the BBC is on hand to provide a human interest story in the form of a report on disruption to the London-Paris line of Eurostar. A power fault in France meant that some passengers were delayed by up to nine hours, and Eurostar has declared that it was “very sorry for any inconvenience”. Which is nice.

But that is all Eurostar has said, and we are told that the company has failed to provide useful information directly to its poor suffering customers. Instead, the BBC is on hand, or at least at the end of an instant messaging connection, to keep us all up to date on the gripping saga…

“At one point policemen started walking through our carriage of the train, they wouldn’t speak to us and I thought ‘Oh God, are we in the middle of some security breach?’ I was really scared. The whole train journey was brutal, totally brutal.’”

Thus spake Londoner Therese Kelly, who helpfully provided the BBC with mobile phone camera evidence of said Gallic police brutality.

Six hours after leaving Paris, Croydon girl Debbie Goodier had only reached Calais. But then at least she wasn’t in Croydon, which must count as a blessing.

“We were basically on the train for nine hours,…”

…added Amsterdam-bound Ryan Armstrong, who, with a missed flight connection, sounds like he was basically fucked.

And then there were the caterwauling catwalk models, including the delightful Poppy Delevingne, described by Vogue as “the quintessential girl about town in London, NY and St Tropez”. The BBC reports that Miss Poppy “told her 10,000 followers on Twitter that she was ‘deliriously tired’ after an eight-hour journey”. Still, though, nothing that couldn’t be sorted with a nice large portion of chips.

Citizen journalism at its finest, courtesy of the BBC, and coming soon to the Guardian and other mighty organs following mass newsroom layoffs, greedy publishers, and dusty-walleted consumers with the attention spans of hyperactive gnats. This is the future of the media, folks. If you want more, you will just have to pay for it.